The Smurfs: Movie Review

Hollywood has run into a problem, they have run out of all the good characters and are now having to go into the back of their archives for the obscure and undignified franchises. First the movie studio’s started superhero movies by releasing well known characters like Spiderman, Superman, and the Hulk but later were forced to start creating new adaptations based off slightly more obscure characters like Thor and Green Lantern.

Well I’m sorry to say that Hollywood has reached the it’s limits for franchise reboots and adaptations. They have run out of the old characters and dead media franchises, they are literally salvaging for the last bits of their intellectual property and now have only one thing left to do; make a movie based on the smurfs. Remember the Smurfs; those adorable, androgynous, homosexual, communist loving blue people from the 80’s? Well their back, contemptible as ever with a mediocre movie that actually makes putting your willy in a bucket of ice seem like a viable alternative way to spend the two hours you will lose watching this movie.

How bad is this movie? Well it makes Neil Patrick Harris look lame. This is Neil Patrick Harris, the guy so charming that he would repel an alien invasion by singing Broadway adaptations of Bob Dylan songs. They make him look lame! And the blue people, I’ve never been a fan of blue man group or anyone else who decided to dunk their nude body in a bucket of neon color paint. But the smurfs are so much creepier, especially Papa smurf, who looks like a rogue mall Santa. Clumsy reminds me a combination of several whiny people of never liked. Smurfette(the only girl smurf) hold the distinction of being slightly less creepy than the others but perhaps only because of the charming voice acting of Katy Perry.

I really wanted The Smurfs to be good. But The Smurfs wouldn’t let The Smurfs be anything but generic and dull. Had the movie gone for a slightly more original plot, I could see this movie working if they had respected the source material more and not tried to pander to the audiences.

Rating For This Movie: Burnt Marshmellow

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